Daddy's Lil Girl Pt. 1 (premature pregnancies)

(this will probably the next poem i try to remember, if i ever get the nerve to go and perform at a slam)

It just came outta me,
Like a premature fetus
That splattered were my feet was
It called itself the light.
And gave me a twenty dollar bill, so I can get some change.
And now that I got mines I'm tryna get you yours.
But these girls don't seem to understand me, or even speak my language.
Can't look past my articulation or college matriculation to believe the words I say.

I had a confrontation wit a young girl one day.
She was this tall, brown skin, brown eyes,
And she cut me like a knife when she broke down her life; told me that she couldn't even begin to tell me how many times she cried in her room cause some nigga didn't want her, couldn't love her, only wanted to fuck her.
And I was her.

I was you little girl...till something miraculous came into my world.
Till this thing I birthed pushed it's luminous light out of my body, and I've been trying to tell everyone since.
Will you be the first to believe that I accomplished this feat, something like learning how to ride a bike without my daddy behind me.

It was the Immaculate Conception when I birthed my self some self esteem.

It was healthy and brown, and there is no father around.
I did that shit by myself.

Pregnant by my pen at the tender age of twelve, and I started showing, so you could say my pride started to swell. The pregnancy was long and hard and sometimes even lonely
See daddy couldn't be there even if he wanted, he was six feet under before I was in the double digits, left me scratching a round belly asking what is this?
My questions were left unmarked like a sat problem, and instead of asking for help, I did that shit myself.

Wrote my name on the test and drew stick figures out of the bubbles.
My mentality was fuck it, ill solve my own troubles.
Fuck a daddy, if he can't be here. I'll be my own damn daddy, and make sure I never go without.
Fuck a test, fuck statistics and fuck all that doubt.
I brought a crib wit the money I got from pawning my barbie dolls.
And took my mom to Lamaze classes.
Stopped hanging around those people that were influencing me to abort it,
Said it wasn't my responsibility, said a father is supposed to provide a young girl with emotional security and self esteem.
And that its not right to do go about it alone.

But there was no father, and the boys I wanted didn't want a young girl who was to proud and pregnant with possibilities.
It just made their job harder it seems.
So it was just me.
Until the delivery, which happened before I thought it would

I screamed, you came to soon!
It said, I came right on time and I've been incubated in your mind and now it's time for me to shine.

And it was right and it was mine.

This was my light, my truth, my way, I didn't owe this to no one but me.
My self-esteem didn't come from a loving daddy.
It came from me.
Spawned by my imagination
Fertilized by a mothers faith
Covered in the blood of Jesus
And spoken into the world by me.