On a gray rainy day
When black women
In their scarves and sweatpants
Travel to shops to get their hair done
I sat beside my window
And watched my reflection in the glass
The rain dropped and mimicked tears on my face
I sniffle at the sight
It been so long since I cried
Its been so long since I wanted too
The wind whipped branches along the balcony
The strong smell of spring in the air.
That salty intoxicating smell of rain
I could die like this I thought
Right now? I said to myself.
Just like this.
Perfectly content in the early spring rain on the outside of my window
Happy with the smell of the green grass.
Alone in the world.
Part Two
I took a shower in the dark once.
Pitch black, save for a single water proof flashlight
That sat on the toilet and created a silhouette
Fog rising and water falling
Hot steam on a naked body.
I felt alive and aware
as i showered in the dark,
Glistened in the dark
Chased the droplets of water on my skin in the dark.
I had to feel my way around my own body like never before
Reach for my toes and hope they're there
Feel the soap slide down my back and know its getting clean.
Trust my hands to do what
My eyes were trained to.
The climax came when the shower concluded.
Standing in front of a flashlight
Naked
Wet
Shining in all my glory
In the dark.
