New Year? yeah...New Year.

Dear 2009,

You sho' was interesting.

You have got to be the most life changing year since...oh I don't know, 1991? I graduated this year and finally closed that chapter in my life that seemed so, so, so, long; high school. But the funniest part is that now high school seems the shortest. And the least serious. And I guess it was. The most important things in high school were clothes and boys. Now I'm at the age were the shit I do affects the rest of my life, like forreal.
Oh...2009. You were a wild one. I suffered the death of my Uncle Tony, but I gained the gift of my nephew Jay. Lost a few inches in the length of my hair, but gained new confidence in my self image. Took a blow to my pride when it came to Drexel, but gained resilience. In fact i might have dodged a bullet, since UMBC is wayyyy more affordable, and rank's higher than Drexel on the Top Up and Coming College's and Universities.
In fact, we're number 1. :)
I may have a semester to make up, but while off, I made a cool amount of money, as well as affect the lives of some great kids, learn about myself and others, cement a real relationship with Jesus, get my driving license, practically fall in love, master the art of frying plantains, take aerial classes, discover my true passions, start my first screenplay and book of poetry, AND buy a shitload of clothes and shoes whenever I wanted too.

I'd say 2009, you were pretty good to me.

Sure we had our moments, but I came out stronger for each one. Sure, my life went completely off track, but that just taught me my most valuable lesson.

"I don't control shit, I can only try my best, and be content knowing that I did everything I said I would ."

But I do feel as if, I lost sooo much this year, like for instance, my false sense of self. Or maybe I shed a few of my insecurities. Definitely lost my opinions of a lot of people, true colors shone this year. I've lost some of the expectations I had for myself as well as others. Dont' know if that's good or bad.
And most of all, lost that big ass impending debt I would have had, had I attended Drexel this year. LOL
In all honesty, I could go on and on about you 2009.
But why should I? You and me are through.
When I think back on everything we did, all the secrets we shared, all the times I cried or laughed, I'll have no choice but to smile, because although you were important, you didn't make or break make me, you changed me.
And I made to the other side. After December 31st, you'll be officially another year I lived through.

And I thank God for you.

Sincerely,
Nia.

for him.

More like a burden
Than a gift
More like a secret
Balled in my fist
My virginity has chained me.
Like Juicy Charms on a bracelet
Like diamonds on an anklet.
Like my ancestors on the slave ship.
Ball and chain it is.
I’m reminded of it’s existence
Whenever he tries to hit this.
Kissing on my neck
Rubbing on my thighs
Can’t help but get wet
The way he look into my eyes
Times like this it’s my v-card
I despise.
Makes me weigh the outcome of
A couple of hickeys on my chest
Makes me wanna be like all the rest.
Able and willing to have sex.
And it’s not that I don’t want to
It’s just that I can’t.
Not yet atleast I don’t think.
I’m waiting for something
But you keep pushing me to the brink.
Keep saying the right things
Spending your time.
Keep acting like you wanna be mine.
And every time you make me laugh
I feel the ball and chain drag
V-card keep the chastity belt on tight
Locked on my mind.
It’s hard, but I think it’s worth it right?
At first I knew what I was holding for
Didn’t want to be considered a whore
And then it became something I have
Just because no one ever took it.
But you tryna blow the dust off like an
Abandoned book.
You trying swipe the card till it’s nothing left
But I’m trying my hardest not to let you.
Of course I wanna see how you put it on me
Of course I wanna climb the walls in ecstasy
Of course I wanna ride it
Of course I wanna scream
But I’m just not ready….
i think.