Chase that Franco!

Shoutout to Diamond Newman at chasefranco.com for featuring me. Check her out. She's another City alum, really out there doing her thing and inspiring the masses. She featured me for my final art project; a collage entitled, "me and kia"

Scared to Love, Scared Not to

Check out ajamonet's EP "Scared to Love, Scared Not to....

Imani Cole?

new blog name?

Possibly.

shout out to http://itssimplytrishh.blogspot.com/ for the idea.

You Goin Fuck Up

Put your feeling before mine?
Think of you first?
These ideas seem so strange to me, its plain to see that I didn't know what I was getting into when I dialed your number
Thought nothing off it
Still flirting like its summer
Still dreaming of my distant lover
Not knowing you had plans for me.
Bigger than I had for myself
Everything you said you were gonna do you did
You truly are something else.
The situation is getting crucial
And I'm doing things I've never done before
Learning myself in ways that only happens when you encounter another
When you discuss private thoughts that otherwise would have never slipped through my lips
Passionate kisses affecting me in ways that I can't explain
Confusion abounds because it was never supposed to go this far.
And I always say whatever happens
As if I can truly go with the flow
But only when I already know the stream of water I'm floating in
Its so hard for me to do this.
I just don't know why, I'm trying to down play because I've always been shy.
But I don't know what I'm doing.
I don't want to hurt you but
I got the feeling that
I'm goin fuck up, a lot.
So, let this be a warning.
And don't say I never told you.

Addiction (I Understand)

This was my last time trying to convince myself to quit.
I had surrendered, prepared the ways to be okay with this in the future.
My "inspiration" I called it.
3rd generation alcoholic/addict
Yup it was on.
As I sat in the car, and Micheal Jackson's "I can't help it" played on.
I understand I cried.
I understand.

Tuesday Night

Sometimes I think people tell you to pray
because they don't have the answer.
Its a distraction maybe.
I think the biggest mistake in my life
was considering life without God.
Cause now I believe it, a little.
In bed crying in the pillow cause
I'm leading a God less life.
What is my purpose, my aim?
I have to be sedated to exist in this mundane life.
"It wont be like this always"
Has become my mantra.
"I think I need help"
written on the walls of my brain.
I can't do this anymore
And I can't do it alone.
The loneliness is coming for me.
But I feel like it never really left.
It's almost comforting to see something so consistent in my life.
I'm hollow, empty, void of something
You can hear it when the wind blows through me.
I've tried to fill it with "work" "jobs" "clothes"
....I'm afriad to try men.
But in the end...I'm always
Alone.

Big Mistake #2 "Chipotle"

Big Mistake #1 "One Big Ass"

This is a cartoon I drew last semester.

Thoughts on the End of my First Semester

Things I've Learned My First Semester

1. The Way the World Works
Apparently, humans all want the same thing. Some are just more aware of want they want then others. Some humans want to live basic. That is, to survive, they think about life day to day, worry about the here and now.
Others, we'll call them dreamers, think about life beyond the here and now. They dream about the future and wonder about the possibilities of life after their death. These people are the innovators, the Thomas Edison's, the Lena Horne's, the Susan B. Anthony's.
I strive to be like them. I want to live in a world where I use my present to make my future better for my kids, and their kids. For the generations to come long after I've died.

2. Real Friends Last
I've made a lot here in my first semester at UMBC. But I still feel just as confident in my relationships with the people I met in high school and middle school. #thatisall :)

3. Nobody Really Gives a Fuck
Plain and Simple. See number 5

4. It's Hard Living With a Stranger
But it's cool, when you guys have a little in common. My roommate was pretty cool. Guess you can say I made a new friend.

5. As you get Older, Shit Gets Realer
And it ain't even to much I can say about that. SMH

6. You Really Do Determine Your Life
EVERYTHING we do now, determines our future. And not just our future. Everyone's around us as well.

7. All Dreams don't come true, but sometimes that's okay
Sometimes, the dreams are just that; dreams. Hell, what would the world be like if everyone got what they wanted all the time anyway? Perfect

8.History really is important
And this I learned from watching "The History of Us" on the History Channel Sunday nights at 9. Definitely inspiring, and worthwhile. I learned that while some entertainer are good at what they do, they wont be remembered for anything significant. Real celebrity status comes when you change the fundamentals of basic human life. Not invent the latest dance style. We've got to stop teaching our kids to look up to Hollywood. The world is bigger than People Magazine.

9. College is over-rated...
Like a bitch.

10. ...but God willing, it'll be worth it.
Lord knows I hope I learn somethings, meet some people, and grow while I'm here.
I just hope I don't have to hurt nothing along the way. :)

My Movement

I shine, you shine.
I'm tryna see my people rise.
Cement shoes are prohibited on my boat.
We tryna swim in the lap of luxury
With those on, you won't even float.
See thats why I built a moat
for hating ass bitches like you.
Thats why my walls so high and circle so tight
like a virgin's vagina.
Venus, Saturn and Uranus is all i see
I keep my eyes in the sky
and legs planted in the earth like a tree
You hating ass niggas ain't fucking with me.
I got places to go
Somebody to be.
And you can walk with me
if you tryna get free.
And we can't falter fail or stumble
but don't get cocky either always stay humble.
Put that shit away if it don't amount to nothing
We don't got time for it no more
Waited too long
Now we gotta catch up
Auditions are over
All bullshit will be cut.
The time is now, can't wait no longer
That's why I dismiss all that
wont make me stronger.
My movement begins with the
child within
That had dreams of being bigger
than life and badder than sin
I'm just tryna win.
Despite the odds
Despite my flaws
Despite your doubts.
I know what I'm made off
I know who got me.
I know what I can do.
I'm here on the starting line
Starter position, tied shoes
I'm ready to go, how about you?

Come In

They don’t wanna see you fly
But I would be a lie if I said I wasn’t
apart of the crowd that didn’t support you
and your decision
cause it ain’t what I want that’s best
it’s about God’s say in the matter
and I would love to say fuck the rest.
But I couldn’t look you in the eye
And not tell you the whole truth
Not warn you about the impending stress
The statistic that you are becoming
The shame I feel
The shame I feel for feeling shame
The heaviness that we falling in
And I say we cause you not going though alone
You never were
And you never will be.
I wish I could make this decision for you
And I would hold onto that guilt for you
Cry those tears for you
Cause that’s how I love when I love you
I would walk those stairs
And lay on my back
And feel that emptiness for you.
Just so you wouldn’t have to.
I'm sorry but...
I need you to be smart about this
I need you to think about more than
what we'll think
or what they'll say
or redeeming yourself through this.
I think it'll be too hard
I don't see the silver lining
But I see the storm on the horizon
I got something saved for a rainy day
but wouldn't it be smarter
to just come on in the house
A rain coat ain't strong enough for this
Just come in.
Wouldn't it be the smarter thing to do
Why would you try to bear the storm outside
When the house is able and ready to protect you?

Sleep

She awoke with the taste of sleep in her mouth.
It was stuck in the back of throat, and made her parched for more.
Lazily her eyelashes moved, her limbs where heavy with the drug of fatigue pulsing though her veins.
She moved her arms to one side of her body and lifted her knees to the sky.
It was a weird and vain attempt to get out of bed.
Eventually she gave up, sleep had won, and class would just have to go on without her today.
Rolling onto her stomach, she got tangled in the sheets.
Too sleepy to fix them, she let them choke her into a dream world.
She didn't mind though.

She had no intention of waking up.

So do it...

I wanted to write a poem tonight.
But my life got in the way.
Too busy doing shit to actually
think about what I was doing
Process it.
Flip and reverse to make it sound pretty.
Ahem..
Sometimes, it just hits you.
That these are the moments.
Moments in which life is all about.
Its about those endless almost sober drunk nights of driving.
With a nice soundtrack.
Its about what you have now,
not what you wish to get.
Its about being good in the moment,
not anticipating the next time you can have fun.
Participating fully into what your doing,
dreams are fun, but they're not life.
They're not even real yet.
Do it now, and feel it forever, before its over.
I learned the lesson fast.
Whether it comes to love or life.
Do it now, the next time may not exist.

Showers

On a gray rainy day
When black women
In their scarves and sweatpants
Travel to shops to get their hair done
I sat beside my window
And watched my reflection in the glass
The rain dropped and mimicked tears on my face
I sniffle at the sight
It been so long since I cried
Its been so long since I wanted too
The wind whipped branches along the balcony
The strong smell of spring in the air.
That salty intoxicating smell of rain
I could die like this I thought
Right now? I said to myself.
Just like this.
Perfectly content in the early spring rain on the outside of my window
Happy with the smell of the green grass.
Alone in the world.

Part Two

I took a shower in the dark once.
Pitch black, save for a single water proof flashlight
That sat on the toilet and created a silhouette
Fog rising and water falling
Hot steam on a naked body.
I felt alive and aware
as i showered in the dark,
Glistened in the dark
Chased the droplets of water on my skin in the dark.
I had to feel my way around my own body like never before
Reach for my toes and hope they're there
Feel the soap slide down my back and know its getting clean.
Trust my hands to do what
My eyes were trained to.
The climax came when the shower concluded.
Standing in front of a flashlight
Naked
Wet
Shining in all my glory
In the dark.

Silly Me.

I never would have ever imagined it would be this hard.

How naive of me.

Finger pricked with blood from the cherry tree.
The pain brings me to reality
Got my mind running track
Finding a way, needing a map.
Fucking my poetry up too,
I can’t even writing about anything but you.
Can stop rhyming either.
Cant stop crying either.
Can’t stop trying either.
Fuck you, for not caring either way.
You just keep on twisting and pulling and pushing.
And I see that shit everyday.
I just can’t see me leaving you alone.
Loving you is like,
Not being able to walk away from a bomb.
Seeing the car on its way
I can feel the impact before it happens
But I just can’t pull over fast enough
Cant pump my brakes to save my life
I wanna scream and get out
But I’m trapped in the flames.
And they burn so good.
I just want to hold your smoldering bones
In my soul.
Let your ashes decorate the skin on my eyelids
So when I close my eyes and die
I still see you.
Snort the ashes on the broken rearview mirror
So when I overdose I still breathe you
You’ll linger in my bloodstream so
When I flex, I can still squeeze you.
Damn, I feel like I need you.
And the feelings not equal.

I'm Trying, But What are You doing....

I'm tryna touch your soul boy...

But I can't reach it.
Can't travel light-years to see it
Just wanna be there for you
But we won't make it.
I know this love can't grow anymore
So why fake it.
I know you said we was goin be good
But your half of the deal wasn't
And I'm not psychic
But I saw this end coming...

They might be Gods

*** wrote this on the fly while doing homework, but i like it, but it still might change.***



He stands so still
While the winter breaks the
Rest, he leans
Against a building
Inhales a black smoothly
He's seen it all
He's just as cold as the rest
Of us, but can't show it
His pride is my guess
He is built Ford tough
But rides like a Caddy
Lips part in a timeless exhale
He is just too much.
The wind doesn't dare blow his
Way.
I want to stand behind him
To be protected from the wind
From the world
I want to stand behind him and warm his cold back
Kiss his cold neck
Revive his cold heart.
If I I could only get close enough.
Men like him are so distant.
Always walls surrounding their hearts
Always pride in the way
Always excuses for why they can't say "I love you"
But they can show it.
In the way they look at you
Touch you, let you touch them
Protect you from the wind, from the world
If you ever get the chance to stand behind them.
Stay there.
Don't fight it, its as close to heaven as you'll get while your still alive.
Auras like ancient kings
Who were thought to be Gods
But there are no doubts when I stand behind him...
he may look like a man
But he could be a God.

Stay Right Here

I just wanna stay right here
Can I live on the cusp of this reality
for the rest of my reality?
Can I recycle my breath
and retain these sights for later use?
I don't wanna grow up no more
I take it all back.
Let me just stay right here
In my room on my bed
Staring at the wall
Grasping each second that
passes through my fingers
Trying not to move
Because movement equals
progress and progess equals
Time Lasped
and...
I just wanna stay right here
Laying under you
Letting your weight crush
all doubts and uncertainties about
how we feel for each other
Can you stay right here
Can you never get on that flight
and leave?
Can we stay intertwined in each other
Let time stop like a traffic jam
All around us
Let this moment expand until it goes
all around the world and comes back twice
Kissing you with a new found appreciation
cause our time has come
And we both realized it
was too short
Can I just stay right here
sitting on my sisters bed.
Laughing like only we can
Or fighting like only we can
Can each laugh hit notes
in the universe that allow the
God of time to make it stop
just for the rest of my little life
Can I just remind her of an inside joke
that sends us in a secret frenzy
only for eternity?
Can I just stay right here?
Can my tears take years to drop
So that I appreciate every salty
particle they contain?
Maybe if i write this poem
long enough it
can immortalize
and account for
every seconds that's past?
Can I just stay right here?
Cause life just moves too fast...