Why.

Disclaimer: This ain't my personal story exactly, i did get fucked up when i wrote it, but...it's just a poem.

Fuck this shit. No more weed.

Is what I said I last time I took the L to the head.
That shit was potent had my head spinning, I was seeing red.
I couldn't concentrate on watching the Hangover so I tried writing instead.
This is what was said when I came down. This is what was read.
But we living in a den of equity
And when i smoke hashish and blow trees
I can't stop thinkin about how I used to be.
To be honest getting high now just depresses me
I ain't been in an actual church in five years
Too ashamed.
And besides god would be blinded by my jewelry.
And I can't be without my ice
So I chose my accessories rather than god.
I chose my new range rover over jehovah

I chose my jimmy choo's over jesus anyday.

Yeah, it's a bit much to say, but it's the truth, for me and you.
America's the living proof, just look at what we do.
Slavery, the failure of prohibtion and we tryna legalize weed, prostitution been legal, I don't care what no one says.
And just because you don't have a pimp don't mean that man isn't paying you to open to your legs.
So call it what it is, and hey I can't knock it.
I'm just speakin on what I see, don't even really wanna stop it.

I'm just a sinner with a soapbox, I'm miles from a prophet.

See, I used to wonder what this thing was that could tear a man from his family,
But every time I get high I feel a little closer to my father.
Just like every time he took a sip he felt. Closer to his mother.
They say addiction runs in the family, so I feel like it's bound to happen at some point.
Shouldn't I just pick my drug of choice and get it over with.
Shouldn't I just get it outta my system?
I'm young right?
I'll heal?

I live a crazy reckless life, and maybe just maybe when I turn 30 ill get a book deal.

Shiiidd....I'm lying to myself.
Once again, because something in my heart keep bringing me right back in.
To the church, to the bible, to the Lord in his various forms.
I catch myself standing outside of cathedrals staring at the doors
Wondering what it feels like to be loved by God again.
Knowing that your not crazy cause it's really Jesus who's calling your name
Feel like I'm smoking to stop the pain of the drinkin and drinkin to forget the fact that God forgot my name.
Cause I'm too far gone to save.

Or maybe I'm just so incredibly sane, it's driving me the other way.

I just can't take it no more,
If God didn't want us to partake in it, why does it exsist.
Why the fuck are narcotics so easy to get.

Why is it easier for a young black male to get wasted than to see graduation.
Why has this world become on big fucked up situation,

And why is God showing so much patience?
To the evil's of the world
And these are the questions that ill never understand, so I scroll down the pages of the Good book and roll a blunt with the same hands.
And I get on my knees, and exhale as I ask God to protect my soul..

And instead of hearing gods reply I hear the burning of the blunt I hold,
And that is why, I get high.

Immediate gratification, for an unsolvable problem
Floating on cloud twelve, approaching the eleventh heaven.
If I use all ten of my fingers and toes it still wouldn't be enough to describe the reasons I like to blow.
Quite sad and depressing I know, but fuck it.
I got something waiting on me when I go home.
Alone.

Cause I don't have a man that I can go home to who love me.
But ill be in ecstasy, atleast until I get the munchies.

And shit I maybe be alone but I ain't lonely.
Got a bad bitch waiting by my. Bedside, she's mary jane to the homies.
But to me, she my best friend.
She don't judge me like God do.
As a matter of fact, she the reason why I got so many friends.
Only thing is, she quite possesive, can't stand for me to be away to long. She knows I get reckless, ill start reading the bible again, and stop saying Gods name in vain, even vow to never see her again.
Till some bad shit happens.

Then, I'm rolling her, turning the music up and dropping out.

And then we back on like we never fell off.
There is no forgivness necessary, only inhale and take it to the brain.
Why? You ask me still?
I may not have all the answers but I know how to ease the pain.
Ill smoke to my eyes close and joints start sinking. Smoke till I can see stars, and till the orioles start winning.
Smoke till I hear bells, and smoke till my toes curl.
Now you know why I'm smoking, to escape this hell.