April

Contrary to what you believe'd us to be
We were unique
It's not everyday that a simple
conversation turns into an adventure
And souls get exposed
And emotions get messy
And none of this was planned you see
For me to bear my true self
almost mistakenly
is what hurts the most
Although others have had glimpses
into my depth
They were more like
perverted peeping toms
you were a preferred invited guest
And I guess what confuses me the most
is having to guess if I'm the
reason we'll never seen another season
like the one that just past.
Was it me?
Did I offer you a glimpse into a future
you wanted no part of?
Did I laugh like an ex-girlfriend?
Were my hands like hers?
Did I hold you like you the one who broke you?
Maybe I didn't hold you tight enough?
Was I too heavy?
Did my love for you radiate
through my eyes and bear down
into your soul?
Was I an anchor when all you wanted to do
was float?
Maybe I didn't do enough?
Maybe I mistakenly
hurt your feelings
and couldn't read your mind well enough to
know what I had done?
Was I too much of a flirt?
Speak to too many people,
laugh too much?
Was I overindulgent?
Or worse, was I not a lady at times?
Did my tomboyish ways make you soft?
Maybe the curve of my hip was too round
Or not round enough?
Maybe my eyes weren't quite the right shade of brown
You see my love,
maybe I'm too much of me for you.
I suffer from this psychological disease
where I can only always be me.
And it's led me to this same end
plenty of times
The question is never really "why?"
Why didnt we work?
or what did I do to deserve your change of heart?
All that's important is
what we were, when we were.
And we were beautiful
Unregrettably, unmistakably,
breathtakingly beautiful
And despite everything
I would do it all again.