Nothing's Gonna Change My World.

Didn't make it to Drexel.
Working. Writing. Sleeping. Praying.
Pressed the re-set button on LIFE...

Think about it. part 2?

So I'm on the web, looking up stuff, random stuff and I run across a list of indie films to see. Peeked my interest so I checked out the first page. And say no black faces as leads.
Now, don't get me wrong, and I have been chastised by my friends for this so many times, but I'm sick of all white "indie" flicks.
I love "Indie" flicks. Full of dirty shoes, vintage band tees and old school references. But can i please,please,please, get some with a couple black faces, puh-leaze!
It would make my life if Nick was black in Nick and Nora's infinite Playlist.
Or even if Juno was black. Like seriously, but than the media would make it a completely different film.
Idk, just a random rant on what i want to see.
That's why i started writing poetry, I couldn't find enough about what i wanted to hear about. Eh. Maybe I need to be the change I want to see, in the world of media.

Think About It.

So that link led me to a great post on "image". Things we think make us who we are, but really just make up the way we look.

And at first I was all like "yeah, fuck images!!"
But than I thought about it, images make our world go round.

Help to figure things out, and keep people in boxes, where they make more sense and are easier to control.

Hmmm...interesting. But the funny part is, I don't even know what my image would be. Or look like. I think that's what I'm tryna make now. I think I'm confused.

Sometimes.

(This was insprired by Sandra Cisneros)

Sometimes you have to wait.
Like your sitting on a bus stop
On the hottest day of the year and the trash can next to the bench is full and the flys are out and the bees are stinging and the fiends are hanging and the beggars are begging, and on top of all that your late for work.
Sometimes you have to wait.
Like all your friends are eighteen but you don't turn 18 till the end of the year, and your to mature to party with anyone your age or younger, and your too scared to use a fake Id, and you always have money, and the friend that was the same age as you can use her sisters Id, and most of the time you are all dressed up with no where to go.
Sometimes you have to wait
Like when you get accepted into a good college,and you think you can, but you really can't afford it. And your fasfa appeal falls through, and all your friends are already in school, and you thought you were set, and you don't apply to any other school because your set, you know? And you get denied for a loan, and you miss late registration for all the other places, so your stuck, and your working at mcdonalds till next semester.
Sometimes I hate waiting.

This Can't Be Life.

I'm stuck.
I've learned that the worst thing for me is being stuck. I hate this. I can deal with death, and dissapointment, and change, and even boredom. But I can't feel stuck. Trapped. Claustrophobic.
It's horrible.
This school sitiuation is The Worst.
Still haven't given up on the Drexel Dream, but if it doesn't work, realisticly it's looking like that, I have to wait till Janurary to go to Morgan.
So I'm stuck.
In my mother's house, still underage, so it's not that many options. I might as well be in my Senior Year of High School again.
This shit is almost unbeliavble.
I don't think I know another person who wants there education as much as myself
but I'm so far away from it, about 15000 dollars, away.
But I can't even cry about it anymore.
I just want to move on.
Not Drexel? Fine, let's go some where else.
But what happens when there's no where else to go.
I never even thought about that.
And I usually think about everything.
Damn. I guess this is what a dream deffered feels like.

My Day. Through Song.

It's late.
I'm just gonna run through my day, fast.
Problem= -20,000 dollar* 2 denied loans+ no co-signer=no college for nia.
Damn, forreal?
Yup.
Idk what i'll do.
Earlier today, I was wondering if I dream too big.
Is there even such a thing?
Morning
-

Stressed Out - A Tribe Called Quest featuring Faith Evans

Church

More Than I Can Bear - Kirk Franklin

Later at Grandma's

I Told The Storm - Kelly Price

At Nichee's going away cookout-

8 Millions Stories - A Tribe Called Quest

Around the time we get to Jalee-lee's

Off The Wall - Michael Jackson
Now

Ay Yo (Illadelphonics Live Remix) - Melanie Fiona

eh. It was a long day.
All I know is, growing up knowing the Lord is paying off.
And I love my friends.
Couldn't see myself without them.

Random Thoughts on a Rainy Day

I was supposed to be outside today.
I was supposed to be at Dru Hill Park, with my friends.
It was supposed to be all five of us, for the last time before they go off to college.
But instead I was inside, layed up on the couch, with my feet on my Mom's lap.
Then I got on the computer and did this thing that i need to stop doing.
Started dreaming about the future.
Tsk.Tsk.Tsk.

The more i dream about the future, the less i actually do about it.

I'll literally spend a whole hour dreaming about something, and forget to write about it.
And then at like twelve or two in the morning, I'll be possessed by the writing demon.
And just write about the random-ist subjects.
I wrote my idea for a screenplay about weed brownies, and wrote a outline for a possible paper about the stages of love.
Eh. It all made sense in my head.
That's the story of my life...

"It made sense in my head."